


Only the Wind Knows

by Stardust of Orion (StardustOfOrion)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Character Death, Drama, Family, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Violence, Multi, Pregnancy, Psychological Trauma, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:13:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StardustOfOrion/pseuds/Stardust%20of%20Orion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aang returns home to the Fire Nation, desperately needing to speak with his wife and friends. His burdens grow heavier as he realizes they are all busy with their everyday lives. </p><p>The relationships are as follows: Kataang, Maiko, Tokka, and Maitara.<br/>Hinted at: Ty Luki.<br/>Mentions of previous Sukka and Yukka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only the Wind Knows

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or "Wind Elegy," but I do own this story in its entirety. I do not make any money from this fanfic.
> 
> See End Notes.

The hefty sky bison flew effortlessly through the sky; the pace quick though the burden heavy. The radiant sun and bright blue sky, speckled here and there with fluffy pure-white clouds, belied the Avatar's mood. As Appa drove them into another large cloud-bank, Aang automatically raised his arms, feeling the tiny droplets of water bead on his cheeks, which he tried unsuccessfully to wipe away with mist-dampened hands. It was generally a joyous and laugh-filled event, no matter how many times Appa flew through the clouds, but today the airbender had other matters occupying his mind; or rather, he had tried his hardest to empty his mind from all thoughts. He heard, as if from a great distance, that Appa was groaning in concern at the quietness of his boy.

"It's okay, Appa." Rousing himself, he reached over the saddle edge and patted the sky bison's neck lovingly. As they left the clouds, the Fire Nation capital gleamed before them in the distance. His stomach started doing little flip-flops as Appa unhurriedly began the descent toward the palace. Home. Aang instinctively tucked his arm around the large blue bundle lying next to him. He quickly made sure all was securely tied down even though he knew that nothing was going to fall out. Appa could sense the need for immense caution and had been careful throughout the trip to fly completely steady and balanced.

As they passed over the city, most of the people on the uncrowded streets raised their hand in silent greeting to the Avatar. It was a common occurrence that the Avatar came and went often, so no special attention was paid on this particular return to his home. Aang was grateful for that fact when, as Appa landed with a minor thump, only two guards and one of the stable hands walked unenergetically, though happily, toward him.

"Greetings, Avatar. It is good to see you home," the female guard, Ayumi, smiled gently at Aang as she spoke. "May we do anything for you?"

"No, thank you." The Avatar turned his attention toward the stable-hand: "I'll see to Appa myself today, Gen." As they walked back to their respective posts, Aang directed Appa toward his private stable. Aang was reluctant to get down from his perch on the bison's head and was relieved to see that the stable doors had been left wide open.

Once inside the cooler shade of the stone building, Aang took a few minutes to rest quietly against the side of Appa's saddle as the giant sky bison settled down into his fresh hay. Aang reached out and scratched the fluffy neck of the bison eliciting a contented sound. The airbender gazed at the indigo bundle laying under his other arm, his hand wrapped protectively around it. The bundle had been tucked lovingly, and with reverence, amongst a cushion of blankets, though the Avatar had struggled awkwardly to get the bulk into the saddle in the first place. Aang sat there a moment, completely stymied as to what he should do next. Hoping to leave the heavy burden in the saddle for a while, he hopped down from Appa's back and sluggishly walked to the feeding area. He was relieved to see fresh greens and fruits, which must have been brought out as soon as they were spotted in the distance. He plucked a bright red apple from the salad and allowed the great bison to delicately lick it from his open hand. "Appa, I…" Aang squeezed his eyes shut, before opening them again so he could look intently into the bison's dark eyes. "I'll be back soon." Appa seemed to grunt his understanding.

Stepping back out into the hot sun, he noticed Appa's personal stable-hand and groomer, Isao, striding toward him. "Good afternoon, Avatar. I know you told Gen that you would attend to Appa's needs, but I wanted to make sure you didn't require anything."

"Actually, I could use some help partially closing the doors." Isao seemed surprised by the request, but immediately began to pull on the left door. They muscled the doors until the heavy iron began to slowly move. Appa peered at them with no small amount of concern. "It's okay, buddy. I won't shut it all the way," Aang tried to reassure him.

Leaving a space large enough for someone to easily walk through, Isao was dismissed. After watching the large kindly man walk away, Aang shifted his eyes to the ground and stared at it in contemplation, as though it held all the answers. When he finally looked up, he realized that Ayumi was watching him with curiosity. He waved for the guard to come closer.

"Please guard Appa's stable. Don't allow anyone to enter, unless you think Appa is in trouble." He hesitated for a moment before continuing more quietly, "There is…something very precious to me in there."

"I understand. I will guard it with my life." Generally responding with amusement or mild concern to such a statement, Aang's response this time was a simple and heart-felt thank you, which caused the guard's expression to sink into deep apprehension.

Aang glanced around the yard as the guard took up position in front of the doors, effectively blocking the shadowed entrance. There were few people around the palace and those who _were_ there had an air of lethargic ease. The atmosphere was hot, humid, and leaden, though a warm breeze wafting solemnly over the courtyard from time to time. It was that alone that kept the heat from becoming completely unbearable. All was at quiet peace and perfect contentment, though why people were that way on days like this Aang had never understood; weather such as this heralded that a storm would be upon them in short order. Taking a deep breath of the thick air, Aang headed into the Fire Palace, which he knew would be slightly cooler.

"My Lord Avatar, it is so good to see you back," the porter, called out as he strode forward to greet his lord. "Can I be of any service?"

"Yes. Do you know where my wife is at?"

"I believe Lady Katara and the Fire Lady are in the Fire Lord's private garden. As I understand, they planned on taking tea with the Fire Lord later this afternoon."

"Thank you. That's all I needed." The man bowed cheerfully to the Avatar before hurrying off to attend business elsewhere.

Aang tread slowly down the many long corridors of the Fire Palace, not particularly eager to talk with any of his friends. After a few twists of the passageway, he came to the Fire Lord's Wing where all of their rooms were situated. Seeing the great doors before him caused his stomach to suddenly feel very queasy. The usual daytime guard of four men in full regalia flanked the doors, though the guards must be burning up in the hot weather and their heavy armor. They bowed their heads politely and allowed the Avatar to pass unhindered.

As the airbender stepped through the door, he noticed Katara and Mai's personal ladies maids down the hall, sitting between the doors to Zuko and Mai's rooms and Katara and his rooms. They had pulled two chairs out so that they could sit and chat amicably with each other while they repaired the hems of their respective mistresses dresses. They stood and bowed low as soon as he neared them. He nodded politely, if a bit absently.

"Are Katara and Mai still in the private garden?"

"Yes, sir," Mai's maid answered. "Should I see if they are available?"

"No. I'll go check for myself." The maids again bowed to him and, as he turned away, sat back down to continue with their sewing.

He slipped through the ornately carved door that led to the garden. When he heard his wife's soft giggle, he gently shut the door discreetly behind him. The intense sun briefly blinded him, but he quickly passed into shade as he walked along the vined-lattice arbor wall, which only allowed for the slightest trickle of wind to whimper faintly through, making the air heavy though the walkway was in shade. Nevertheless, the wall was useful since it created a privacy screen which served to shield the garden from prying eyes when the door was opened, though few were allowed entrance into the Fire Lord's Wing.

Not wishing to disturb Katara and Mai if they were making love, he peeked around the end of the wall. They were as he expected: lying nude, side-by-side with their legs entwined, on an elevated and pillowed mat. Katara languidly stroked Mai as the Fire Lady, in turn, idly twisted his wife's hair in her fingers while she lavished kisses on her. They were clearly in the _middle_ of their lovemaking and not at the beginning or ending stages.

Normally the sight of them together would make the Avatar smile since neither he nor Zuko minded their wives relationship with one another; in fact, they encouraged the pairing. It was after all an old tradition in the Fire Nation for ladies of the nobility to take a female lover. Aang enjoyed knowing that Katara was content, as well as physically and spiritually fulfilled, and he thought Zuko's feelings were very similar on the subject. This time, however, the sight produced in him a slight flutter of annoyance at the delay in speaking with her. He didn't especially _want_ to talk to Katara or any of his friends about the trip, but _needed_ to as soon as possible. Still, he was loath to interrupt them, knowing it would forever taint their lovemaking. That wouldn't be right either.

When he stepped back into the Palace, the maids were still mending dresses and he quickly waved them to sit back down as they tried to stand in order to bow. "Do you know where Zuko or Toph are?"

Katara's maid spoke up this time, quickly swirling the pale blue and white dress from her lap. "No sir. I believe it was mentioned that the Fire Lord had a meeting this afternoon. As for Lady Toph, I haven't seen her since Lady Katara attended her early this morning."

"Okay, thanks." Now beginning to feel quite unwell, he walked back out of the Fire Lord's Wing intending to seek Zuko next.

Nodding to the guards, Aang again found himself wandering down the corridors, peering into each room as he passed. The rooms were empty, save one in which a little maid was softly humming and diligently scrubbing at the white inlaid tiles etched with an intricate red sun pattern.

"Miss, do you know where I can find Zuko or Toph?"

The maid, startled by the sudden sound, cried out and sloshed water over the sides of the metal bucket. Aang jumped forward to help her mop up the mess, feeling guilty since he knew he could be extremely quiet on his feet, even without trying. All part and parcel of being an airbender.

"Please, Avatar, I cannot ask you to help." At the frantic tone and the plea in her eyes, Aang took a step back, knowing through rather bitter experience that he would only make her feel worse if he insisted on helping with such a menial task. As the girl wrung the rag-full of water out into the bucket, Aang noted with a strange clarity that even the Fire Lord's cleaning buckets were beautifully etched: fire lilies. "I believe the Fire Lord is in a meeting with some of the generals, Lord Avatar, though he may be out by now. I'm not sure where the meeting was to take place. I don't really know about Lady Toph. In the kitchens, perhaps."

"Thank you. Um, Lady Toph…how is she doing?"

"Oh, she's right fine, I'd say. Causing no end of worry for Lady Katara, no doubt, since she never seems to follow her directions." Aang allowed himself to smile faintly. The maid was vaguely insolent, he knew, but her words were said with affection.

Soon after he left the diminutive maid to her scrubbing, he saw a man scurrying along the passageway with a small pile of linens in his arms. "Excuse me, do you happen to know where Zuko was meeting the generals? I also would like to know if you've seen Toph," he added as an afterthought.

"Fire Lord Zuko was holding a meeting in the Fire Jade Meeting Room today, Lord Avatar. Lady Toph is probably still in the kitchens. She was there fifteen minutes ago, she's been there several times today, and the kitchens seem to be where she spends most of her time, beseeching the cooks for those strange concoctions." The man had a slightly harassed look, so Aang didn't call him on his rather derogatory attitude toward the young blind woman. He knew full well that Toph could be a handful, to say the least.

"Uh, thank you… Sorry for disrupting you." The man nodded brusquely and hurried away, making Aang regret that he had bothered him. Clearly the man was not having a good day, though everyone else seemed to be in happy moods.

Aang set out once again, weaving his way toward the meeting room by a roundabout path, not really sure what to say to Zuko when he got there. Too soon, though, he found himself staring through the delicate, openwork carving of fire lilies and other flowers that served as the wall separating the room from the private hallway. The acoustics were such that anyone in the corridor could only here garbled voices issuing from the room, but it was enough for Aang to know that Zuko wasn't alone. Light streamed through the windows on the far side of the room and shafted through the carved holes in the wall. The light must have caught the movement of his body because Zuko suddenly looked up and smiled brightly at him. His attention, however, was immediately drawn back to the discussion as one of the generals began adamantly stabbing a finger at the official looking document set before them on the high iron table. The Fire Lord spoke with confidence and all the men soon began nodding in agreement. Even the general who had been angry was acquiescing his slow agreement. Zuko was in his element it appeared and was sure to eventually win over whatever support he needed, but Aang couldn't interrupt him in the middle of such an obviously important meeting.

The nausea that had begun to increase inside of Aang was not abated by the fact that he couldn't speak with Fire Lord Zuko right _now_. A gust of wind drafted onerously through the open windows, sweeping across the room and fluttering parchment until finally whispering gloomily through the carvings and into the passageway. Aang quickly stepped away, nodding to the guards flanking the room. Deciding that it wasn't fate that he talk to Zuko first, he absentmindedly headed back toward the Fire Lord's Wing, figuring he'd see if Katara and Mai were available yet.

The ladies maids were still busy with their sewing, though one of them had moved on to mending Mai's stockings. Katara's maid rose when she saw him approaching. "Sir, you asked about Toph earlier?"

"Yes?"

"She just came through here, sir. Stopped and grabbed something from her room and then went out through the other exit. I believe she was headed to the private dojo to exercise."

Aang was startled to hear that Toph was so close, which perhaps meant he was fated to talk with her first, and that was why everyone else was engaged in other activities. Noticing the maid still standing and looking expectantly at him, he quickly thanked her for letting him know about the blind woman.

Before the Avatar could change his mind, he walked quickly through the other door that connected the Fire Lord's Wing to the outside of the palace. This one led through a large garden to a small private stone dojo, used for bending and weapons practice, as well as exercise, by the royal family. Now, of course, they were all granted the use of this larger garden and dojo, as well as the small private garden that Mai and Katara were currently using.

When he stepped through the door, he immediately saw Toph standing on the other side of a small bridge leading to the dojo. It crossed a murky pond filled with catkoi whose scales glimmered rainbows in the sun. The earthbender was hastily gobbling something from a large dish. The sight of her caused his throat to constrict and his head to throb. The heat was overwhelming and, for a moment, he thought he was going to be ill. Nevertheless, he walked immediately towards her and, as usual, she 'saw' him coming through the vibrations in the ground and called out as she smiled at him.

"Oh! Heya Twinkletoes! Glad you're back! Where's Snoozles?"

Just as he began to cross the bridge, the exercise trainer stepped from the dojo and called to her with annoyance. Toph tossed the bowl at Aang and he scrambled to catch it, though why bother to catch a bowl of- he shuddered at its contents- sea prunes, various melons, and fire flakes, he had no idea. Without waiting for him to answer or see if he would catch the last of her food, she hurried off toward the dojo. "Have to go do those exercises Sugar Queen keeps saying are so important! Only a couple more weeks now" she called over her shoulder. "Tell Sokka to come help when he's done resting on his butt. Oh! And tell him the baby's been kicking up a storm this week! He'll love that."

Aang was so startled by her sudden departure that he could only stand there, hand stretched out to stop her. As she disappeared into the dojo, he set the bowl onto the wooden railing of the bridge, hardly noticing when it splashed into the water. Walking slowly away from the bridge, the Avatar found himself near the night-blooming orchid pine, laden with folded blooms that had still been only large buds when he left. Sokka, in memory of Yue, had planted the tree when they first moved into the Fire Palace. He leaned back against the orchid pine, it's branches moaning in a sudden gust of wind, and was grateful for the feel of the smooth variegated bark beneath his hands though he felt infinitely weary and sick at heart. He needed his friends. He _had_ to talk to them. Gradually sliding down, he allowed himself to plop gracelessly onto the strangely chilly ground. The airbender felt as if he couldn't breathe anymore, memories pounding in his head and his stomach clenching painfully. Aang stared sightlessly at the branches of the trees around the garden as they swayed slightly, creaking sorrowfully as the wind shivered through the leaves.

oOoOo

_They walked through an expansive Earth Kingdom meadow, speckled with a few trees. Sokka swung his sword gently through the long, rippling, golden and green grasses, but was not trying to cut them. Aang peered appreciatively at the surroundings, carefully keeping one eye on Appa who was alternating between drinking from a large pond and munching on the wild grasses._

_"I'm glad they didn't need me as desperately as they thought they would, though I wish they hadn't called us all the way out here. Still we'll have time to stop and see Suki and Ty Lee and then head back home tomorrow morning."_

_"Yeah, you'd think you were the Avatar or something," Sokka joked, "but it_ will _be nice to see the girls." The two young men continued walking in silence._

_"So, Sokka…this is a pretty place and all, but why did we 'have' to land here? Kyoshi Island isn't that far." As they entered the thick forest overlooking the meadow, Aang continued to wonder what they were doing since he was rather anxious to visit the girls and get back home. He also knew that Sokka was anxious to get back to his wife._

_"I wanted to do some hunting," Sokka stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I crave meat. Plus we can bring the gift of food to Suki and Ty Lee."_

_Aang rolled his eyes at the ever-hungry Sokka, especially since that usually meant that he wanted meat. Although Aang certainly didn't like the idea of killing animals, he knew that Sokka's culture had no problem with hunting for food purposes, so he had long ago dropped the issue. Still,_ he _wasn't about to eat it. "I'm pretty sure they have food, Sokka, even meat."_

_"One can never have too much food."_

_"Yeah…so I think I'll go pick some of those plum peaches over there. They look ripe. Besides, Ty Lee prefers fruits and veggies like I do."_

_Sokka rolled his eyes in mock exasperation with the airbender and the acrobatic girl. "Well Suki at least loves my meat." A sudden hush filled the air as they stopped in their tracks. "Uh, I didn't mean it like_ that _!" Sokka squeaked._

_Aang burst out laughing. "Don't worry, Sokka, I won't tell Toph you just said that."_

_Sokka laughed with the Avatar. "Aw, she wouldn't mind. She's pretty laid back that way…although she can get pretty crazy,_ especially _lately. Katara says it's the hormones or something like that." Sokka grinned stupidly for a moment, a common look whenever he thought about becoming a father for the first time. After a short time, however, the water tribsman's face screwed up into a strange expression as a new thought entered his head. "On second thought, maybe you shouldn't tell her." That statement created more peals of laughter that rang through the forest._

_"Whatever you want, Sokka. I'll just go pick those fruit."_

_"And I'll go see what I can hunt down." As the two young men were parting ways, each still chuckling to themselves, Sokka turned suddenly toward the airbender, a more serious expression replacing the laughter. "I've never been happier, Aang. A wife, a little warrior on the way, all of us together as a family..." Sokka sighed happily. Aang smiled back at Sokka as contentment and joy washed over both of them._

_Aang was still smiling half an hour later as he sat in a tree, its leaves dancing happily in the cool breeze. He was eating one of the plum peaches while waiting for Sokka to return, its deep, red, wine-colored juice running down his chin. He hastily wiped the juice with the back of his hand. As he did so, he glanced down and was startled to see movement amongst the trees. The large shapes of three-horned rhinohogs wove gracefully through the trees. There were only two of them, as far as the Avatar could see, but he knew they lived in herds of ten to fifteen animals, so the rest of the herd must be nearby. He furrowed his brow with some concern. Three-horned rhinohogs were known to move silently through the forest as they grazed on the undergrowth, easily slipping past even experienced hunters like Sokka or inadvertently sneaking up on them. They could also be extremely aggressive and violent when startled._

_He stood hastily, intending to jump along the branches of the trees until he located Sokka to warn him about the herd. Before he could, he heard the distant roar of a silver-maned leopard. The sound was enough to trouble the rhinohogs because he saw them take off in a run, though they still managed to move silently through the thick trees and undergrowth._

_Seconds later, the air was pierced by a horrendous scream. Aang took off leaping through the trees, desperately trying to find the source. He found his friend amongst the herd of frenzied and stampeding rhinohogs as they tried to escape the threat of the silver-maned leopard. Seeing Sokka's predicament caused Aang to instantly go into the Avatar state, effectively frightening the large animals away. He chased them from the small clearing, waiting only long enough to assure himself that they were gone before he sped back to Sokka._

_The water tribesman was lying on the ground. What should have been the blue of his clothes against the trampled green grass was simply not so. All Aang could see was red on red, which made his head spin dizzily. "Sokka!" He flew to his friend's side, dropping down next to him and immediately feeling the pooled blood soak into his clothing where his knees pressed into the ground. There was_ so _much_ red _..._

_Blood bubbled and flowed from round gaping wounds where the rhinohogs had gored into him in their anger and panic. Several bones had clearly been crushed beneath their hooves when the water tribesman collapsed. The warrior's mouth was moving, yet no sound was escaping, which troubled the airbender even more._

_Aang diligently tried to staunch the flow of blood, but it still seeped out between his fingers. He continued to repeat Sokka's name, hoping his dear friend would come around. He pulled water from the ground to begin the healing process, but it just didn't seem to work and Aang realized that even Katara's waterbending wouldn't be enough to heal the gouges. To the Avatar's relief, Sokka eventually focused on his friend leaning over him. "A-Aang?"_

_"Sokka! Stay awake! I'm going to get help."_

_"Aang…the rhino…hogs…careful."_

_"I know. They're gone now." Aang watched as Sokka's eyes began to glaze. "Sokka! Stay here!" he commanded, screaming irrationally at the tribesman while the wind whispered fretfully across the clearing, ruffling the warrior's hair. Sokka's blue eyes cleared, just slightly, once again._

_"Toph." Aang saw a tear slip down Sokka's face, before he finally looked over at the Avatar. "Aang…I'm glad we found you." The voice came out in a whispered gasp. Pain lanced across Sokka's face, yet it seemed to subside quickly as his eyes glazed once again before they slowly took on a distant look. The forest was quiet around them, though it teemed with life. The only sounds echoing amongst the trees were Aang's voice and the fading gurgle of Sokka's breathing._

_"Sokka, please, please, Sokka, Sokka, please…" Aang wasn't even sure what he was trying to say, just that he needed Sokka; that they all needed him. Finally, the forest fell completely silent, a reverent hush stealing across the woodland until a gentle breeze once again sighed through the leaves._

oOoOo

Burying his face in his hands as he pulled his knees to his chest, Aang thought of the bulky blue bundle on Appa's saddle, and finally allowed the choking sobs that had been twisting his insides to irrevocably shatter the air.

_"Only the wind knows he is gone,_

_Only the wind grieves,_

_The sun shines, the fields are sown,_

_Sparrows mate in the eves;_

_oOo_

_But I heard the wind in the pines he planted_

_And the hemlocks overhead,_

_'His acres wake, for the year turns,_

_But he is asleep,' it said." [1]_

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note 1: The title of this fic is part of the first line of the poem used at the end of the story. The poem is entitled "Wind Elegy," by Sara Teasdale, one of my favorite poets. I was inspired to write this fic after reading the poem again.
> 
> Author's Note 2: Every line of the poem matches some aspect within the story. Try to guess what they are and maybe leave your guess in a review or something! :) I'd really like to know what you guys think. If you can't guess or aren't sure, and are interested to know, send me a message and I will happily tell you what my thinking was as I was writing.
> 
> Author's Note 3: A person questioned/commented several aspects of the story when I posted on FFN, which made me think I should clarify a few points:
> 
> \- Mai and Katara are not engaging in an elicit affair. They are in an accepted relationship/dalliance within the Fire Nation. Noblewomen of the Fire Nation are allowed to engage in romantic relations with other noblewomen. Zuko and Aang approve of this as well (Zuko because it is a part of his own culture - he grew up knowing about this possibility; Aang because he is the Avatar and is content with all forms of love).
> 
> \- Sokka and Aang were in the area and decided to stop and see Suki and Ty Lee. They are not going to have an affair with the girls, but are merely interested in visiting with their friends, since they rarely get to see one another. Sokka's comments were an amusing mistake because he has a tendency to 'put his foot in his mouth', as it were. 
> 
> \- Grief and shock makes you act rather strangely sometimes and it is especially difficult when you are the one who has to convey that someone dearly loved has died. Regardless of whether or not Aang is the Avatar and should be able to handle this, he is also a friend, lover, brother to the Gaang. He doesn't want to have to tell what happened, nor does he want to hurt those around him. He doesn't want to make things more painful by barging in on Mai and Katara during such a... sensitive moment, nor does he really want to face the others either. A part of him is merely trying to mitigate the sorrow in some small way while the other part is merely delaying the inevitable because he simply doesn't know how to deal with this situation. Finally, he feels very alone bearing this burden and it is very difficult for him to see his friends happily going about their lives when Sokka has died. He hates the thought of giving them this burden too. There is no obvious or good choice for him when it comes to telling the Gaang what happened to Sokka - all choices will lead to devastation and long-lasting sorrow. 
> 
> Copyright 2011 by Stardust of Orion as originally posted on FFN.


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